


Sharp Eyes, Flat Teeth

by solarpillar (solarwind)



Series: The thrush stands on your flesh [3]
Category: Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 11:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2731394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solarwind/pseuds/solarpillar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Affection is a currency, like fondness, like gratitude, and they all come in limited edition. Anger, wrath and vengeance, on the other hand, are not limited edition in Cain’s book. These flat teeth of his bite into Loki’s flesh, eyes sharp enough to cut sky open, and Loki could only smile and laugh.</p><p>Better count your blessings and thank for the spare change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chalices

Naoya is beautiful. 

Naoya is fragile, vulnerable, too proud for his own good and betting his heart on a long forgotten dare.

Naoya is strong, calculating, too old to be naive and too young to not believe himself invincible, too careless and too paranoid, too full of love to pay attention to Loki. And Loki almost didn’t mind.

Almost. It is impossible to not mind. Loki remembered his wife, the one who followed him unhappily yet loyally, and he almost believed himself the same for Cain.

He’s not. He is too selfish, too hurt, too careless to be loyal to anyone now. Odin had been a lesson. Give a stranger your heart and they will step on it. Give a stranger kindness and they will take it for granted. They may call you a friend, a brother, a family member, but should you make a single mistake that you refuse to repair, they will have you chained in entrails and locked up for dead. 

Naoya is no different. Like Odin, Naoya is calculating and paranoid. Like Odin, Naoya tolerated Loki and gave him, well, it’s not purpose this time, is it? But it is a sense of belonging, and Loki missed it.

And like Odin, Naoya will end Loki himself, should Loki hurts Abel. Every man has a being like that, valued beyond the universe itself. In Loki’s case it had been Odin once, now he has learnt to never let it be any other than oneself. It is a weakness and a mistake, leaving your heart and soul in someone else’s hands.

Yet sometimes, he wants to try it again, offer Cain a pledge of brotherhood and loyalty, or perhaps more.

He did love Cain in a way not too different from how Cain loves Abel. The father of monsters, as a milkmaid bearing human children, had once made Cain a father of monsters himself. Heroes swarmed to kill these monstrous children, and Cain’s children’s fate was not changed. Now Cain is making Abel another champion of Chaos, and it is kind of like vampires, reproducing only by converting others. Or like the clergy. But these had bastards.

Loki lets the trashy vampire novel drops to the floor. It made a satisfying thud, the spine landing first and hard.

Odin probably didn’t truly love Baldr. It was more of a blow to Odin’s ego, wasn’t it, the murder was less about Baldr than about Odin’s authority and power challenged. Cain was probably the same. But affection is a dangerous thing that happens when least expected.

Talk about least expected.

Naoya, beautiful, eyes calm yet sharp like wise birds. Nothing escaped him. Naoya knew about Loki’s feelings, played them like strings. Loki learned much from him. 

Once, Loki dared Thor to bash his skull in. Loki knew about love, the kind of affection you get from taking care of someone for so long. He didn’t even spend that much time with his own children, yet he invested in Thor, half as a friend and half as a parent, and perhaps a little as a child or brother. 

Immortality sure messes things up sometimes.

Thor did not bash his skull in that one time. It would have been better for all parties involved if the thunder god did.

Loki came out of his death wiser, and he would not dare Naoya anything, ever, especially not about getting killed. Naoya would have killed him without hesitation.

But Loki was a god. Loki would not go down without a fight, and could perhaps even win. But there was no point to. Some wars are fought in vain, and what good, fighting against a shard of glass? You’ll break your glass figure and cut yourself on it. No, Loki will tolerate Naoya as Naoya has always tolerated him. There is never trust between them, only the kind of tolerance a rat gives to a snake, and Loki isn’t sure who is which.

But there will never be love, of course. Affection is a currency, like fondness, like gratitude, and they all come in limited edition. These flat teeth of his bite into Loki’s flesh, eyes sharp enough to cut sky open, and Loki could only smile and laugh.

He leaves the man alone. The wound bleeds, though does not hurt more than regret and disappointment. He thought Naoya tamed, but immortals are the hardest to tame, which Loki knew way, way, way too well.

Anger, wrath and vengeance, on the other hand, are not limited edition in Cain’s book.

Affections are limited. Count your blessings and thank for the spare change.


	2. Coins

Naoya, Loki figured, must dislike his own physical beauty. Every single time, he is born with high potential for physical beauty, like a white peacock or owl, pristine and ethereal, but without the distasteful qualities of angels. He is gorgeous. Yet every single time, he would, consciously or not, destroy said beauty, via neglect or self-destructive behaviors, like how he is starving himself or overworking himself or ruining his eyes over a computer screen. What would be a beautiful bleached marble statue of a man is instead a bundle of sad twigs, with bad eyesight and eye bags, bones brittle from calcium deficiency, hanging there with sheer determination and will. How contradictory.

But who cares. Naoya is willing tonight. The god is allowed to undress the man, carefully around the haori and, after putting it aside, kiss the sternum, trailing down slightly as if drawing the first letter of the tetragrammaton. He lets the man pushes him down and they both indulge in their nature, strangely compatible after years of mutual influence. 

It was done and over too quickly.

Naoya is up and back to his work again, without bothering to take a shower, without bothering to eat or drink. How suicidal. But it is not Loki’s place to tell him to eat, drink, bath or sleep.

Loki finds himself treasure hunting in Naoya’s apartment.

Naoya has never cared about material possession, not after a series of bad luck with them. He values instead what he can never lose, not even with his many deaths, in form of memories that cannot be forgotten, but to be applied effectively to his new lives. Therefore, to find anything of value would be akin to miracle. A true treasure hunt.

Most of them had to do with Abel, of course, so Loki is not allowed to take them. But it is interesting. A little paper crane. A squished paper hat. A badly done crayon drawing. Most of them fragile.

In a blackout, Naoya would take one of these, set it on fire, and watch it glow. Then he would take a much needed nap, right next to the pile of ash.

In his wake, Loki can see the same fire in his eyes, sharp and cruel and pained and sorrowful. 

We all destroy what we love. They say that you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain, but is it? The villain is always there, same as the hero. You don’t become someone else. The villain of law is a hero of chaos. You may do badly but, in the end, someone always benefits from your actions.

But mistakes are mistakes, you can’t wave a wand and magic them away.

Magic doesn’t work that way.

Magic _never_ works that way.

 

(It is always blood, isn’t it? The oldest coin is not metal or seashell or leaf but blood.)


End file.
